Some time last year, I made this line art drawing titled “Candlefish”. It was one of those traditional drawings that I surprise myself with because, usually, my traditional works either remain a sketch forever, or get scanned to be recreated digitally. This one’s a rare gem because the final output is all ink on paper.
It doesn’t have any special meaning, though. I just happened to be inspired to draw a detailed fish, and in my desire to make something different out of it, I ended up incorporating a candle. And then some horror faces as bubbles. At least that’s what I remember.
At that time, I was consumed by my thoughts of finding my own artistic style. Knowing I have an interest in line art illustration, marine life, and semi-abstract stuff, I guess it only made sense to explore the things that draw me in.
As it wasn’t my intention to create a masterpiece or a work included in a series, it was easy to go with the flow without caring if what I’m working on matches my other works. Call it an art exercise or an artful search, if you will.
Looking back, I know I didn’t take it as seriously as I wanted because there were so many things that I could’ve fixed before inking, and the back print (It was a colored Rx paper, haha!) was showing through the paper on the original artwork!
Sometimes I feel like I should redraw it in Illustrator. I do remember the whole time that I was drawing it, I was thinking of digital coloring ideas and how it would look so much cleaner if I’ve drawn it digitally.
I even have this idea of making a digital, colored version to compare those two illustration styles. I’m still thinking about it. But I wanted to finalize this traditional version now, and accept it as it is. I feel like it was an exploration worth taking, and that, as meaningless as this fish is, I’d be killing the soul put into it if I presented it as something different from what it is.
And that’s just it – a line art drawing of a candle fish.
Not to sound deep, but I guess one of the reasons why I find it hard to finish personal works and get to know my art is because I find it hard to present something less than perfect. When the ink blots or when the concept is not good enough, I put it off as something not worth sharing or bearing my name.
It then feels like an adventure that I haven’t experienced because there are no other eyes to see me living through it. It’s all just a grand plan. And I know I can’t go on forever polishing that plan inside my head.
That’s really sad when I think about it! Also a bit embarrassing that I’m confessing this shortcoming in my blog.
So, rather than just sharing this meaningless artwork, I’m sharing my thoughts on why it’s significant for me to share it. It’s an exercise in finding my art, and a baby step towards living my inner adventures.
It’s a random idea of a fish that doesn’t make sense, and as I write this down, I try to make sense of my thoughts while drawing it.
It’s always a pleasant surprise when you find yourself learning something big from something that felt so small while you were doing it.
By traditionally drawing (and finishing!) a simple artwork, I’ve realized how much I prefer the clean lines of digital art.
By sharing it on Instagram, I’ve seen how people can appreciate (or “heart”) a messy sketch.
And by compiling my thoughts and art progress shots on this blog post, I’ve gained the courage to admit that I’m still struggling with my art, but I hope to see the consistency in my works someday. So I will continue to share these art struggles in hopes of that day coming sooner rather than later!
I’m an artist and I’m not perfect, but I’m learning to work around my flaws. If you’re reading this, then thank you for being a part of my progress. 🙂
